When it comes to, well, any kind of sexual activity really, but those that include others and internet in particular, we cannot stress the importance of keeping it safe and being careful. This comes in many ways and forms, from not going home to people you have never met, to always, ALWAYS, use condoms when you are having sex with new friends, to making sure that you can remain anonymous about your hobbies and that your kinky private life and your work/family life doesn’t collide and results in undesired consequences. It the first two cases, simply use your sound judgement. As mentioned before, always meet up in public places, like a bar, so you can have a relaxed time and get a feel for one another. If there are things that is making either of you uncomfortable, you have an easier time backing out than you would if you are already in someone else’s home.
But the topic that this post will focus on is internet anonymity. Now, if both of you are the laissez-faire kind of cool people who are totally open with your lifestyle and erotic escapades, fine. You can totally post your faces on swinger sites and send other couples nudes. But even if you are fine with it, remember that you have parents, kids or siblings that might be a bit more sceptical if they found out what you are up to on the weekends. And in a perfect world, no one would care, or even have a right to be judgemental, but colleagues or bosses at work might not be as open minded as you.
So our suggestion is that you blur your faces on the photos you upload to swingers sites, and even be a bit careful about sending pictures of your faces to couples you haven’t met irl. Yes, we know, that makes it a bit more difficult to find out if the other couple are attractive or not. So at least, don’t send any nude or sexy photos to people you have only chatted with. For us, since first dates are always soft dates, we will get a chance to see if we like the other couple both physically and socially before we start removing our clothes. As with sex itself, it is better to not rush straight in. See the first date as a part of the foreplay.
The reason why you have to be careful is that it is so easy for photos to end up where you don’t want them. And while we are well aware that even if your photos are uploaded somewhere they are like a grain of sand on the beach of porn on the internet, but there is still a chance that someone you know will somehow become aware. And to nail this home, we will give you two examples. One from the world of amateur porn and one from the world of swinging.
When we began our sexual journey together, one thing that became clear was that “J” liked to have pictures taken of herself, and “M” liked to take them! We had taken quite a lot of sexy/nude series, many with a specific kink in mind, and we found websites where other amateurs posted their own photos of this kink. Now, this was 15 years ago and the internet was a bit different back then, but the moral of the story is still valid. So, after a while, we decided to start posting some of our own sets as well. Because it was fun! But we made sure to always crop the pictures, or place a “blackbox” over parts of “J’s” face to hide her identity. Because, as we wrote earlier, we didn’t want our families to be any wiser about what we did in the bedroom. However there were couples, quite a few actually, who had no such qualms about anonymity. One such couple, that was one of the most popular on the website, made no attempts to hide her identify. But, as often is the case, there were zero photos of the guy who took and posted them mind you! Again, they were super popular. She was young, extremely cute and had an amazing body. At one point, I was chatting with the guy, and asked him if they weren’t concerned that people might recognize her, and I still remember his reply to this day: “It is not like she is going to run for office or anything”. And even then I was struck by the audacity of it. How would he know what his then girlfriend would be doing later on in life? Also, it was a niche site for a niche kink and they (he) was sure that no one would find out. So, to each their own, we figured. About a year later, the face of the girl from this couple started to appear on pop-ups from one of the major porn-sites of that age. And those pop-ups were everywhere! And of course, soon people around them became very much aware of what they had been up to online. And the worst part were that they couldn’t get the site to take them down. Apparently the site had, in good faith, bought the publishing rights to a number of photos of amateur girls for their advertisement, and that was that. The reason we know this is that they went public on our original site, telling people what had happened and tried to get help from the moderators, but there was nothing to be done. Someone had simply downloaded all their photos and sold them. And for a couple of years, this poor girl was everywhere on the internet. The couple disappeared from the website and we have never seen anything from them since. And if she ever decides to run for office, you can be sure that this will come back to bite her. Nothing happened to the boyfriend of course. It is always the woman that gets into trouble when something leaks.
The other warning tale comes from our own home country. There is one major site that dominates the swinging scene and it has thousands of couples profiles and, most likely, tens of thousands of single guys. As well as a couple of hundred single girls as well. The reason we know about what happened is the fact that this incident caused a very lively debate, not only on this swinging site, but in the local newspapers as well. They were young, new to the lifestyle and good looking from what we could tell. Because they had blurred their faces! They got into contact with another, more experienced couple, who also kept their faces out of the profile pictures. Now, the guy from our couple started chatting with the guy from the other couple. And they seemed nice. They got along. And then, the other guy starts sending nudes of his girlfriend to our guy. You can see her face and everything. Our guy doesn’t send anything back though. They keep on chatting, and decide to set up a first date. The other guy sends more nudes, and asks our guy if his girl is as sexy? So our guy, with his girlfriends permission, sends a couple of nudes to the other couple, and they like what they see, so the date is still on. The day before the date, the girl from the other couple unfortunately becomes ill. But she is fine with sending her boyfriend over by himself, so if our couple is okay with meeting only him, he is still up for it. Since our couple wanted to meet them as a couple, they want to wait until the following weekend instead. The other guy, meanwhile, sends many more nudes of his girl, and our couple sends many more back. Some of him, some of them, but most of her. And in these photos you can see her face. The next weekend comes up, and unfortunately, she has a family emergency and can’t make it, but perhaps he can show up by himself? Now, our couple is starting to have a bad feeling about this. So they tell the other guy that they would like to talk to his girlfriend, but she isn’t home, she can’t come to the phone and so on. In the end, our couple just calls it off. And then things takes a turn for the darker. The other guy tells them that they really should meet him. He is a nice guy, but single guys struggle to find find couples on this site. And if they don’t, well, he has a lot of nudes that he will post. Our couple is not going to meet anyone who threatens them, and blocks him. A week later, on a website specially dedicated to amateur girls from our country, the naked pictures of our girl, together with her full name, town and address is posted. Her life got completely wrecked with one post. Of course the story spread and everyone in that town heard about her. Yes, HER. The other guy posted no photos of our guy! They brought this up on the swinging site, there were attempts to track down who the other guy was and they even filed a complaint with the police, but from what we know, nothing really happened. But the first couple’s profile was deleted, and our guess is that they never tried anything similar again. Just imagine trying to go grocery shopping, or apply for a new job in that town if you were her?
The end result of this was that it became standard within the swinging community for the two girls in each couple to call each other and confirm that they actually existed before going on dates. This might not be a bad idea, since we have been told that there are some “couples” on this Maltese site as well, where the girl is unfortunately feeling unwell on the first date.
So please, please be careful out there. We have been lucky and nothing really bad has ever happened to us, and we are aware that 99% of the time you will meet another couple just like you, nice, nervous and exited and everything will go fine. But you have to be aware that the 1% exist, and make sure to minimize the risk of you (her!) ending up in a situation where you are no longer in control.
Next chapter will be about surprises and experiences. So until then, be careful, stay safe, use condoms!
- “M”